Daddy Honey

My younger sister, Linda, (so my remembered version of the family story goes) was said to have our dad wrapped around her little finger.  She once famously told him that he could no longer help her with her homework because he refused to make her an egg at 8 pm.  When she got to be older and could appreciate the family stories about our gentle dad (Thank God Mom was controlling or we all might have been brats) Linda started calling him Daddy Honey whenever asking him to do anything, and we all started calling him that for a while.  Today I met my family for an anniversary mass.  Our dad died a year ago.  It's hard to believe it's been that long.  We are committed to making sure that our children and grandchildren know him.  We tell the stories over and over and it becomes family history.  With five sisters and a brother, my mom, and all of our children it begins to be hard to tell if I really experienced some of these things, or now have the memories due to the stories.  I guess in a way we create our own history.  Here is the tribute to our dad written by Judy with the help of some of my other siblings:

A Tribute to Dad (Bob Coyne)

(August 10, 1918 – February 18, 2008)

(Written by his children)

  Our Dad never won any awards, had an illustrious career, or became famous in his community, but he was a wonderful husband and father.  His greatest accomplishment was raising eight thankful children who were not only devoted to him and Mom, but remain close and loving to each other.  The greatest gift he and Mom gave us was the constancy and security of our home.  Whatever else was happening in the world, our home was a safe haven.  We shared a nightly dinner and Sunday brunches where friends were always welcome and lively conversation was the rule.

          Mom was the love of his life, his sweetheart, best friend, and lifelong partner.  He relied on her to run the household, but also gave her time to be herself.  He supported her volunteer work by holding down the fort when she was away. The greatest tribute Mom gave to Dad was when she received a diocesan award from Bishop Wuerl.  Upon accepting the award, Mom gestured to Dad and told the Bishop, “This is the man who made it all possible.” He was a devoted husband and father, who changed innumerable diapers, polished children’s shoes and eyeglasses, made very strong coffee, and fixed potatoes every night for supper.  He was very proud of his children, rejoicing in our achievements and sympathizing in our misfortunes.  Mom and Dad were a wonderful disciplinary team, playing “good cop”, “bad cop” to great effect.  Even if he doubted her decisions, he steadfastly supported them, so that they always provided a united front.

         

          Dad was quiet, sometimes stoic, always dignified, but never stuffy.  He had a playful sense of humor and loved making puns, most of which were really awful.  He liked to use silly names for everyday things, such as “shattered” wheat instead of shredded wheat, or “blananas” for bananas.  His “smashed” potatoes were the best in town, bar none.  He had a soft kind of laugh, with shoulders that would shake when he thought something was really funny.

          He was the least materialistic man we knew.  He never owned a car, had an expensive hobby, or yearned for high-priced gadgets.  On many occasions he went to work with only a handful of change in his pocket, because that was all he had to spare.  Yet, his children never wanted for food, clothing, or a good home.  When he needed something new, Mom had to convince him to spend the money on himself.

          He always felt blessed to have another child and declared that each succeeding one was the cutest of all.  Judy totally agrees with Dad’s assessment in this area.  He saw each of us as a unique and wonderful gift from God.  He loved us all equally and never favored one over another.

 As a young man of the Great Depression, and true to his Scottish roots, Dad had some unique ways of saving money, such as drying out paper towels in the oven and using a tea bag more than once.  He taught us the value of thrift by never letting a spoonful of food go to waste.  His favorite son-in-law, Ed, once threatened to buy miniature, keychain sized Tupperware containers so that Dad could store his leftovers in them.  Dad was always concerned about us kids leaving lights on and often admonished us not to make Duquesne Light rich.

          He also had some unique hiding places for the treats he managed to save for himself.  Once, when the coffee was done brewing, but none would pour out, Mom discovered that Dad had hidden a piece of cake inside the pot, which had acted as a sponge and soaked up all the liquid.

          Dad had a lifelong love of music and possessed a sweet Irish tenor, which he exhibited as a choir member for more than four decades.  He particularly enjoyed the big bands and popular standards, and knew all of the singers and musicians.  He was an avid Pittsburgh Pirates fan and liked listening to games on the radio.  He took his transistor radio everywhere, listening to talk shows, music, and baseball games with equal enjoyment. 

          Dad was blessed with nine brothers and sisters.  He spoke of them all with love, but it was his sister, Nancy, who played the biggest role in his life.  Nancy and her husband, Jack, shared a home with Mom and Dad for more than ten years.  They helped to raise each other’s children and enriched each other’s lives with love and laughter through many lean years.

          In closing, we would like to recall a poem from “The Prophet” by Khalil Gibran, which perfectly embodies our feelings about Dad.  Margie chose it with help from Robert, for Mom and Dad’s 50^th anniversary invitation.

          You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

  The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.   For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Thank you, Dad, for always being our stable, gentle bow!